How To Lead People Who Have Different Personalities
As leaders, we have to work with many different people. If we can’t get along with them, because they have different personalities, it will be difficult to get things done and won’t be any fun.
That’s why I focus on relationships in my coaching, to help leaders develop strong and supportive relationships.
Having relationships is vital, but that’s really just the beginning. You must also maintain your relationships if you want to be a highly effective leader.
But maintaining relationships is easier said than done when we have to work with people who are vastly different than us. How do we move beyond the simple concepts taught in most personality workshops to really be effective with others?
I believe it all starts with mindset, and with over 25 years of leadership experience under my belt, I’ve come to realize that the way we view things determines the way we do things.
So here are a four practical tips we can follow to change the way we think about and lead other people.
Stop saying that people are difficult.
Check yourself when this thought crosses your mind. The words we use matter and those words begin as thoughts. If you are thinking someone is difficult and then share that thought with others you are throwing fuel on an unproductive fire. People aren’t difficult, they are different. They have different experiences, backgrounds, passions, preferences and personalities; but this doesn’t make them difficult. It makes you uncomfortable.
Appreciate what makes people different.
What would the world be like if everyone were exactly the same? Wouldn’t it be easier if we shared a hive mind - like the Borg in Star Trek? I don’t think so! In Star Trek the Borg was an alien group of cybernetic organisms (bear with me here) that decided to link themselves together into a hive mind called "the Collective". Their goal was to achieve perfection by assimilating sentient beings into a collective, logical, computer-like mind. What made this dystopian storyline popular was that it hit close to home. The Borg, in my opinion, is a metaphor for the bureaucratic organizations that work so hard to make us all the same. But humanity craves something different, and great leaders know how to appreciating others for who they are - not what they produce.
Stop being vague.
Saying that someone is “too emotional” or “just doesn’t get it” is vague and unhelpful. When I hear clients say things like that I know I need to dig deeper. What behaviors are you interpreting as emotional? What specifically does she not get? Nine times out of ten the client doesn’t have a good answer and they fall back on more generalities because it makes them feel safe or superior. The problem is that vague language leads us into a false sense of clarity that is misleading. When we think we understand someone, and fail to do the hard work of truly knowing them, it damages relationships, limits our growth and creates a destructive mindset.
Accept your own flaws.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is Matthew 7:3-5 where Jesus says: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”. This ancient wisdom is something we all should live by. When you see a flaw in others consider that they are simply a mirror reflecting something back that exists in you. Ask yourself: “what about this flaw makes me feel so uncomfortable?” and find the part of you that is weak and flawed too. When you are willing to accept and work on what you discover you’ll be ready to accept and lead others.
As leaders, we must take responsibility for ourselves and our relationships. If we fail to invest in them, others will do the same. This is one responsibility where we can not waver - you can not delegate or abdicate this. So commit to building and maintaining strong relationships with others and start moving your mindset toward acceptance and excellence.
